One Big Holiday Family

 I thought I had posted about this theory before, but when I went to find the post, I didn't see it anywhere. I apologize if this is redundant. I just couldn't find the post, so here I go (again?).

I have this theory. This theory that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are actually all part of one big holiday celebrating us, life, the world. I would say this holiday lasts three months, but I like to start it when Costco starts selling Pumpkin Pie, so thats the beginning of September. So, four month holiday it is!

Listen close. Halloween is a celebration of something we are not, although perhaps wish we could be. Thanksgiving is a celebration of who we really are and what we have! We have had a chance to step into someone else's shoes and now we sit down and realize how awesome it really is to be us. Once we are thankful for our own life, we celebrate Christmas by being thankful for the people around us, and giving back to them and our community.

Now that we have rediscovered how blessed we truly are and, hopefully, found new ways to help others around us, we celebrate New Year's. We celebrate by making new resolutions to be better, and do better, and leave our mark on the world somehow. 

The whole holiday season seems almost designed to help remind us of the important things in life. And, I love everything about that. I use this as an excuse to listen to Christmas music in September, but the truth is that Christmas music has an interesting effect on my brain. 

There's a fleeting, but amazing feeling that happens when you have been holding a muscle in a certain way for a long time. Perhaps you really didn't even notice how hard what you were doing was, but once you stop, that feeling of beautiful relief and peace washes over you. As I said before, this feeling is fleeting. But, it's actually a really nice feeling. That's the feeling my brain gets when I listen to Christmas music. I maybe didn't realize how hard and how long my brain had been working, and then I play "The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" by Andy Williams and I can almost hear my brain sigh in relief.

This year has been particularly hard on everyone. I really understand everyone's need for Halloween. For normalcy. That chance to be something you're not, and to take a moment to step out of your problems. Do it. Do whatever it takes to help your brains feel that moment of relief (within reason and without endangering others). This year sucks. It is sucking for everyone, not just you. If you need to talk, I'm here. But, don't take Christmas music away from anyone this year. They need it. Just as you might need Halloween. And, that's really okay. 

I Am Not Okay

This lockdown has me feeling like I need to write some feelings down. I need to remember this. I am not usually the type of person who falls into "the depths of despair." I am not usually the person who gets anxiety so bad they can't breathe. But, as Alan Cummings says, "Everybody has their level."

I am not okay. No one is okay. And, that's supposed to be okay, I guess.

I see a lot of posts about how you just need to try your best to make it through this mess and not worry about your short comings. I am not sure I really know how to do that.

Things that are making this hard for me:
-Grieving the loss of my projects/activities
-Grieving the loss of my time while the kids were at school
-Trying to work
-Trying to let my husband work
-Getting behind in school when all I have to worry about is a first grader because I have straight up given up on Preschool.
-Trying to keep my house in any semblance of order.
-Trying to eat better because my liver hurts no matter what I eat.

Guys. I can't do all of this. I try to do all of it, and end up doing none of it. When you try to do a little bit of too many things, nothing gets done. You can't check off any boxes. But, focusing on one, just so you can check it off, also doesn't make sense because you are going to have that box again tomorrow. So, everything just keeps getting further and further behind.

How do you cope? How do you balance? What brings you joy? When the stress is getting to be too much for you, what do you do?