I've been saying I wanted to post an update since I wrote my last post, but I haven't gotten around to it. Partly because I am busy, and partly because I think I haven't wanted to face the emotion again. It was helpful to write about it last time, but it is hard for me to be that vulnerable.
I told Brian, and my SIL, Emily, that I didn't realize until last week that having a miscarriage means that literally a part of you has died. I feel like that part was part of my brain. Pregnancy brain is serious stuff, but I think that miscarriage brain is just so much worse. I forget everything, but I am also violently angry at times for forgetting things. When I was pregnant, I would forget everything, but I feel I just adopted a "Meh" feeling towards the memory loss.
Have you ever felt like you could go either way on an issue? Like you could really understand both sides, and you just didn't know which side to choose? I have taken this idea to the extreme. I am becoming two very different people. Some days, I feel like I am fine. Sad, but fine. I can do this. I do my house work, I do my work-work, I mother my children, I go about my daily life, and in most ways nothing has even changed. I am sad about what happened, but I see the good things that are coming from this and I know that soon I will try again and have another baby.
But, there is also a very different me. One who can't see a way past this. Who doesn't understand why this had to happen, or even why she was so set on having this baby to begin with. She just wants the pain to stop. She wants to scream at passers by that her heart is broken. She wants her mom to come and hold her and tell her it will be alright. She wants to lay in bed all day watching old movies. Okay, that last part is true every day...
You know, it's interesting. I find that even though I was very sad when my mom died, I have actually come a long way, and find that I don't miss her very often. I am not one of those people who frequently needed their mommy. But, I find that has changed now. My mother went through three miscarriages between me and my little brother. I don't know how she did it. I know she kept trying because she felt like Jake was coming and she had to let him. But, I can't fathom that kind of emotional strength right now. I met a lady once who had had 17 miscarriages and 3 live births. I have been trying to wrap my brain around that since I met her, and, frankly, it seems even harder to understand now.
I am very thankful that I do not seem to be resenting my children. However, I do find that their crying, their fighting, their pawing me, and their accidentally hitting mommy in the face routines are getting very old. Every day it seems I need to hide out in my room for a little while because I can't take it. They don't understand that I can't be there for them right now. I don't understand it myself. I turn into mean mommy way too often these days. But, I am hopeful that I am getting better. Normally, I have a little down time every day where I can watch something. That's how I unwind. That's how I process. I haven't really had that time lately.
I have been really stressed because Brian hasn't had a lot of time off of work and there were so many things I wanted to get done before he had to go back. We got a lot of it done, but yesterday, his last day off, we didn't do much of anything. I took a mental health day, and it took me far too long to realize that that was a good use of his time off. It was helpful, it really was! But, I think I got backed up. Not being able to release day to day stresses gets hard enough, but add to those what I have been going through, and the pressure can be unbearable.
I have several Fangirl Facebook pages that I am a part of, and, luckily, they are a phenomenal support system for me. No matter what any of us go through, we are all there to listen. It's actually really amazing the bond I have created with these women, most of whom I have never met. I posted today in the Mommy group about feeling like maybe I am dealing with some postpartum depression here. I can't be sure because I never had that with either of my kids before. They recommended I talk to my OB and possibly get a therapist. I want to, but I am hesitant.
See, the part of me that is "fine" just tells the other part of me to stop being such a baby. She says lots of women go through this and they are fine. She tells me those women didn't need professional help and neither do I. But, what does she know? Nobody ever talks about miscarriages. How would either of me know what "most women" do when this happens? I want to talk about miscarriages more. I wish I had known what I know now before I had had miscarriages. It might have helped me prepare. It might not have, but I guess now we will never know.
Our Family
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Monday, December 19, 2016
A Rough Christmas
I want to tell you a story. A really long story. Not because I think you need to hear it, so much as I just need to tell it.
***WARNING***
This is going to be sad. It's going to get to places that are TMI. If you don't think you can handle this story, stop reading.
I have never been a private person. I will tell you pretty much anything, if you ask. And, some even if you don't. I hate being alone. I have never in my whole life wanted to be alone. Until now. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I am not handling it very well.
I have to start at the very beginning. This story basically took all year. At the beginning of this year, I had basically decided that I wanted to start trying for our 3rd child in August. July came and I had some weird pain. The doctor sent me in for an MRI. They discovered my IUD was stuck in my uterus and needed to be removed.
Obviously, this was sucky. But, I thought to myself how wonderful! A sign that I am supposed to start trying in August, just like I had thought all this time!
Brian was less sure. He didn't feel ready, and I should have listened more to his feelings on the matter. By the end of September I had finally convinced him we were ready, and the longer we waited past August, the more sad I got that it wasn't happening. I was being very selfish in the whole deal, but he suffered it "as no one could have." as Knightley says.
My periods were right on time until November. When it was late after having been so punctual before, I started taking pregnancy tests right away. Each one came back negative. My heart hurt to much to really understand this. I took a new pregnancy test every 4-5 days. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having a period, or, apparently, a baby.
I looked up how a pregnancy test might come back as a false negative. They were not good answers. The reason that scared me the most was Ectopic pregnancy. This kind of pregnancy is super dangerous for the mother and the baby. I knew this was a risk with multiple c-sections, but I thought I had a couple more pregnancies before this really became a concern. I was panicked. I kept taking the pregnancy tests until Saturday, November 26th, when I finally got a positive. I felt a little relieved. But, I started to have weird pain. Not much, but just enough that I thought I should go see the doctor on Monday. On Monday, November 28th, I went in to see the doctor. I told him my last period was the very beginning of October, but that I didn't get the positive test until two days ago. He was concerned. He said either I ovulated 4 weeks late, or I was having an ectopic pregnancy, or I was about to have a miscarriage.
I hadn't even considered a miscarriage.
I kept calm. He wanted to check my hcg levels in my blood. I was supposed to get the normal blood work done that day, and come back Wednesday to see how much higher the levels were. In a normal pregnancy, your hcg levels go up by 1.5 times every two days.
I went to get my blood drawn, but I am a very hard stick, and generally dehydrated. The poor girl stuck me twice, and then said that was her limit and I should go home and hydrate and come back the next day.
I did not come back the next day. I had a lot of things to do that day, and I am sure they were all super important at the time, but I can't remember any of them. Then, that afternoon, James head butted me hard, on the nose, and gave me a concussion. .....Yay.... The week was off to a great start.
I went in the next day and there was a guy on duty. He stuck me about 2 times before calling in a nurse who had more experience. She stuck me about 3 times. The last time was what she called "a blind stick". Yes, thank you. That doesn't make me nervous at all.... But, she got it. I had bruises up and down my arms, but she got it. If there is one thing that gives away that you are pregnant before you are ready to tell people, it's massive bruises up and down your arms from your blood work. Luckily, I had the cold as an excuse for long sleeves.
I came back on Friday. The poor guy saw me and got nervous all over again. It took him a couple of tries, but he got it on his own. For the second draw they only needed half a tube. (For the first they needed 5 tubes.) So, that was nice.
The doctor called and told me that my levels went from 1500 (or maybe he said 15,000?) to 1800 (thousand?) in two days. He was starting to be very concerned about an ectopic pregnancy and scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday. On Sunday I started spotting. On Monday, we went in and they did an abdominal ultrasound. The ultrasound tech said there was something that could be a gestational sac, but it was only measuring 5 weeks and the date of my last period suggested it should be measuring at 9 weeks. It's too early on to hear a heartbeat or anything, that heavens, or this might all have been a lot harder.
The doctor called on Tuesday, December 6th, and told me he was really upset with the tech for not doing a vaginal ultrasound, which I guess was better for telling if it's an ectopic pregnancy. He said as far as they could tell there was no internal bleeding. The doctor wanted me to come back and do another ultrasound the next day. The tech would be in his office that day, and he could come in for the ultrasound. He also wanted to get more blood drawn and see what the hcg levels were doing at this point. So, on Wednesday I was going to go in by myself, but I was in too much pain to drive. My amazing sister, Shannon, was watching the kids every day that I went to the doctor. (Which was 6 times in 10 days...) Brian had to take off some work time and go in with my because, I found out later, I was having contractions.
It may sound silly to you that I was having contractions and didn't know it, when I have already had two kids. But, I only had contractions with James and only after having an epidural. So, really, I had no idea what labor was really like. Yikes. It was painful.
The ultrasound proved there was no pooling of blood internally, and it for sure wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. Yay! But, they were also pretty sure based on the blood work that I was having a miscarriage. Not so yay. I went home and went through some more excruciating labor, and finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I jumped in a hot shower where I finally got some relief. After that, something weird came out, and I assumed it was the sac. Then there was no more pain. I called the doctor and told him I had passed the sac. He asked if I still had it. "Um... No? Why would I keep it?!" I thought to myself. He told me to rest and to take another at home pregnancy test after the bleeding had stopped, just to make sure there wasn't still going to be a pregnancy.
That night we called and told my in laws and asked my MIL to come help with the kids the next day. And, I went to book club with Emily because I needed to get out of the house, and I was honestly feeling so much better. Turns out it was a good choice because I laughed A LOT at the book swap, and had so much fun. Plus, I am really looking forward to reading the book I got!
On Thursday, I had another round of contractions, and severe pain, but nowhere near as bad as the day before. My MIL came and stayed the night, and my FIL sent flowers. I have the best in laws ever!
On Friday morning, my MIL left and our friends, Zach and Kari and their two kids came to stay with us for our staged reading of our show. Right after they got there, I went to clean myself up and actually pulled out the sac. That was incredibly traumatizing. I had no idea. I couldn't think or breath for a second while it was in the tissue in my hand. I collected me thoughts and remembered the doctor asked if I still had it, so I wrapped it in tissue until I could call him. I told Brian that under no circumstances was he to touch the wad of tissue because he would be sorry if he saw it. (Side note: It looked like this scary Kryptonian monster from The Justice League.... Ugh.) The longer I looked at it the easier it was to visualize how this thing could turn into a baby and I nearly lost it. (Don't be thinking I was looking at it for a very long time. It was no longer than 10 seconds. But, a lot goes through your mind in a moment like that.)
I suppressed it. I had to. I just had to get through the reading, and then I could be free to feel. I made it through. I put the wad of tissue in a container, under Kari's advice and stuck it in the fridge. I called the doctor the next day. He made me put it in some water. He said it should float. It did not float. I took pictures and sent them to him at his instructions. He said it for sure was the sac and he didn't see anything to give him concern, so I could flush it.
I haven't really been able to deal with all the emotion inside me. I am too scared to let it all out at once. It comes out in spurts. Brian and I were able to get away for a couple of nights though. My awesome brother and his wife stayed with the kids and we went to a hotel for two nights. It was super helpful, but I feel bad that I didn't get more emotion out and dealt with. It's hard for me to be around people who don't understand. I don't mean people who haven't been through the same thing, I mostly mean kids.
Luckily, I am not resenting mine or anything, but it is hard for me to be around them, when they can't comprehend that I am hurting. That I need space. That I might be cranky with them for a while.
I find myself wanting to yell out to the general public, "I HAD A MISCARRIAGE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" I feel a bit like Goob from Meet the Robinsons. (I couldn't find a meme or GIF for this, oddly enough.) I don't want to yell these things because I need pity, or hugs, or people bringing me food. Not that any of those things are bad! I just want people to know. That's all. I don't need to be treated differently per se, I just need to feel like people understand where I am coming from. That's all. That's why I am writing this. To get those feelings out there into the void. And, so "Goodnight, dear void." as Meg Ryan says.
***WARNING***
This is going to be sad. It's going to get to places that are TMI. If you don't think you can handle this story, stop reading.
I have never been a private person. I will tell you pretty much anything, if you ask. And, some even if you don't. I hate being alone. I have never in my whole life wanted to be alone. Until now. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I am not handling it very well.
I have to start at the very beginning. This story basically took all year. At the beginning of this year, I had basically decided that I wanted to start trying for our 3rd child in August. July came and I had some weird pain. The doctor sent me in for an MRI. They discovered my IUD was stuck in my uterus and needed to be removed.
Obviously, this was sucky. But, I thought to myself how wonderful! A sign that I am supposed to start trying in August, just like I had thought all this time!
Brian was less sure. He didn't feel ready, and I should have listened more to his feelings on the matter. By the end of September I had finally convinced him we were ready, and the longer we waited past August, the more sad I got that it wasn't happening. I was being very selfish in the whole deal, but he suffered it "as no one could have." as Knightley says.
My periods were right on time until November. When it was late after having been so punctual before, I started taking pregnancy tests right away. Each one came back negative. My heart hurt to much to really understand this. I took a new pregnancy test every 4-5 days. I couldn't understand why I wasn't having a period, or, apparently, a baby.
I looked up how a pregnancy test might come back as a false negative. They were not good answers. The reason that scared me the most was Ectopic pregnancy. This kind of pregnancy is super dangerous for the mother and the baby. I knew this was a risk with multiple c-sections, but I thought I had a couple more pregnancies before this really became a concern. I was panicked. I kept taking the pregnancy tests until Saturday, November 26th, when I finally got a positive. I felt a little relieved. But, I started to have weird pain. Not much, but just enough that I thought I should go see the doctor on Monday. On Monday, November 28th, I went in to see the doctor. I told him my last period was the very beginning of October, but that I didn't get the positive test until two days ago. He was concerned. He said either I ovulated 4 weeks late, or I was having an ectopic pregnancy, or I was about to have a miscarriage.
I hadn't even considered a miscarriage.
I kept calm. He wanted to check my hcg levels in my blood. I was supposed to get the normal blood work done that day, and come back Wednesday to see how much higher the levels were. In a normal pregnancy, your hcg levels go up by 1.5 times every two days.
I went to get my blood drawn, but I am a very hard stick, and generally dehydrated. The poor girl stuck me twice, and then said that was her limit and I should go home and hydrate and come back the next day.
I did not come back the next day. I had a lot of things to do that day, and I am sure they were all super important at the time, but I can't remember any of them. Then, that afternoon, James head butted me hard, on the nose, and gave me a concussion. .....Yay.... The week was off to a great start.
I went in the next day and there was a guy on duty. He stuck me about 2 times before calling in a nurse who had more experience. She stuck me about 3 times. The last time was what she called "a blind stick". Yes, thank you. That doesn't make me nervous at all.... But, she got it. I had bruises up and down my arms, but she got it. If there is one thing that gives away that you are pregnant before you are ready to tell people, it's massive bruises up and down your arms from your blood work. Luckily, I had the cold as an excuse for long sleeves.
I came back on Friday. The poor guy saw me and got nervous all over again. It took him a couple of tries, but he got it on his own. For the second draw they only needed half a tube. (For the first they needed 5 tubes.) So, that was nice.
The doctor called and told me that my levels went from 1500 (or maybe he said 15,000?) to 1800 (thousand?) in two days. He was starting to be very concerned about an ectopic pregnancy and scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday. On Sunday I started spotting. On Monday, we went in and they did an abdominal ultrasound. The ultrasound tech said there was something that could be a gestational sac, but it was only measuring 5 weeks and the date of my last period suggested it should be measuring at 9 weeks. It's too early on to hear a heartbeat or anything, that heavens, or this might all have been a lot harder.
The doctor called on Tuesday, December 6th, and told me he was really upset with the tech for not doing a vaginal ultrasound, which I guess was better for telling if it's an ectopic pregnancy. He said as far as they could tell there was no internal bleeding. The doctor wanted me to come back and do another ultrasound the next day. The tech would be in his office that day, and he could come in for the ultrasound. He also wanted to get more blood drawn and see what the hcg levels were doing at this point. So, on Wednesday I was going to go in by myself, but I was in too much pain to drive. My amazing sister, Shannon, was watching the kids every day that I went to the doctor. (Which was 6 times in 10 days...) Brian had to take off some work time and go in with my because, I found out later, I was having contractions.
It may sound silly to you that I was having contractions and didn't know it, when I have already had two kids. But, I only had contractions with James and only after having an epidural. So, really, I had no idea what labor was really like. Yikes. It was painful.
The ultrasound proved there was no pooling of blood internally, and it for sure wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. Yay! But, they were also pretty sure based on the blood work that I was having a miscarriage. Not so yay. I went home and went through some more excruciating labor, and finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I jumped in a hot shower where I finally got some relief. After that, something weird came out, and I assumed it was the sac. Then there was no more pain. I called the doctor and told him I had passed the sac. He asked if I still had it. "Um... No? Why would I keep it?!" I thought to myself. He told me to rest and to take another at home pregnancy test after the bleeding had stopped, just to make sure there wasn't still going to be a pregnancy.
That night we called and told my in laws and asked my MIL to come help with the kids the next day. And, I went to book club with Emily because I needed to get out of the house, and I was honestly feeling so much better. Turns out it was a good choice because I laughed A LOT at the book swap, and had so much fun. Plus, I am really looking forward to reading the book I got!
On Thursday, I had another round of contractions, and severe pain, but nowhere near as bad as the day before. My MIL came and stayed the night, and my FIL sent flowers. I have the best in laws ever!
On Friday morning, my MIL left and our friends, Zach and Kari and their two kids came to stay with us for our staged reading of our show. Right after they got there, I went to clean myself up and actually pulled out the sac. That was incredibly traumatizing. I had no idea. I couldn't think or breath for a second while it was in the tissue in my hand. I collected me thoughts and remembered the doctor asked if I still had it, so I wrapped it in tissue until I could call him. I told Brian that under no circumstances was he to touch the wad of tissue because he would be sorry if he saw it. (Side note: It looked like this scary Kryptonian monster from The Justice League.... Ugh.) The longer I looked at it the easier it was to visualize how this thing could turn into a baby and I nearly lost it. (Don't be thinking I was looking at it for a very long time. It was no longer than 10 seconds. But, a lot goes through your mind in a moment like that.)
I suppressed it. I had to. I just had to get through the reading, and then I could be free to feel. I made it through. I put the wad of tissue in a container, under Kari's advice and stuck it in the fridge. I called the doctor the next day. He made me put it in some water. He said it should float. It did not float. I took pictures and sent them to him at his instructions. He said it for sure was the sac and he didn't see anything to give him concern, so I could flush it.
I haven't really been able to deal with all the emotion inside me. I am too scared to let it all out at once. It comes out in spurts. Brian and I were able to get away for a couple of nights though. My awesome brother and his wife stayed with the kids and we went to a hotel for two nights. It was super helpful, but I feel bad that I didn't get more emotion out and dealt with. It's hard for me to be around people who don't understand. I don't mean people who haven't been through the same thing, I mostly mean kids.
Luckily, I am not resenting mine or anything, but it is hard for me to be around them, when they can't comprehend that I am hurting. That I need space. That I might be cranky with them for a while.
I find myself wanting to yell out to the general public, "I HAD A MISCARRIAGE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" I feel a bit like Goob from Meet the Robinsons. (I couldn't find a meme or GIF for this, oddly enough.) I don't want to yell these things because I need pity, or hugs, or people bringing me food. Not that any of those things are bad! I just want people to know. That's all. I don't need to be treated differently per se, I just need to feel like people understand where I am coming from. That's all. That's why I am writing this. To get those feelings out there into the void. And, so "Goodnight, dear void." as Meg Ryan says.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Single Parenting, Even Though Temporary, Sucks.
There has been so much happening lately! I am sorry I have gotten behind, but I am giving myself a pass. Let me get you all caught up.
Two weeks ago, Brian and I took James to see The Peanuts Movie! So cute! He knows all their names and everything. He was so excited. I have to say, I was not expecting to like it as much as I did. I really didn't think it would turn out well, but I was pleasantly surprised. I do think this one might end up in our Easter Baskets this year.
Speaking of Easter, I have already been planning what to put in the kids baskets. I generally like to put a movie in everyone's basket. But, I also want to put other things. I used to just get candy. While candy is nice, I don't really want my kids to eat much of it. And, Brian and I don't really eat much candy anyway. We still have a lot of our Halloween and Christmas candy left, if that gives you any ideas. I don't want to go overboard, but I was thinking a toy for each kid too. Although, instead of a toy for Aria I am considering putting in an Andrea Bocelli CD as his voice really seems to calm her when she is distressed. (My babies are musical snobs, and I love it! Haha!) Brian and I have talked about getting one of those Ikea train sets for James's Easter basket. What did you used to get in your Easter baskets? What do you give your kids now?
The next day, Thursday, Brian left for a work trip for one of his side projects. He got home Sunday morning, then left Sunday night for a work trip for his day job. The first trip took him to Chicago and then Florida. The second trip took him to Jamaica. While in Jamaica I couldn't call him, so we had to just Facebook Messenger whenever he had a chance to sit down to a computer. We did get a few video calls too, but it was hard to schedule with the kids bed time and his 2 hour time difference. I think I will have Brian write a post about his trip and link it here. He took some amazing pictures!
The day after he left for the first trip the kids got sick. Half way through his second trip, I joined in the fun. I finally took Aria and I to the doctor on Monday this week because my sore throat was so bad the left side of neck had swelled up and was rock hard. I had a migraine for days. It constantly felt like someone was trying to pull my head off of my neck, half a dozen of my teeth felt like they would just leap right out of my gums, I couldn't open my eyes all the way, and my ears felt like someone had put ice picks in them. Imagine my surprise when the doctor told me I didn't have a sore throat. He said from the inside, my throat looked fine. He put me on some antibiotics and steroids. He said if that didn't help, they would have to do a CT scan. Horrified, I went home and started the meds right away. I waited on the steroids, because the pharmacist said they were harsh on your stomach, and my stomach has enough problems, and I am really glad I did. The antibiotics turned out to be enough, and two days later, I am doing much better.
Having Brian back has been super helpful! Between the kids being sick, not sleeping, crying and screaming a lot, and having no other parent to turn to, then myself getting sick, I was just done. This week has been busy-busy too. No down time. I shot photos for Emily's play, Arsenic and Old Lace at Alta High School, last night and last Friday night. Tonight we are shooting for the South Jordan Chamber of Commerce's annual Vision Dinner. Tomorrow, Brian is setting up a video shoot for a video that we are hoping will help our son potty train. Friday we are going to see Arsenic and Old Lace and film it. Maybe Saturday I can take a breather finally, haha!
I am toying with the idea of doing the Museum of Natural Curiosity for our adventure this month. Who has been? Who has passes? Are passes worth it? Should we do something else this month and save that for another time? Leave comments, guys. I like to know someone is listening.
Two weeks ago, Brian and I took James to see The Peanuts Movie! So cute! He knows all their names and everything. He was so excited. I have to say, I was not expecting to like it as much as I did. I really didn't think it would turn out well, but I was pleasantly surprised. I do think this one might end up in our Easter Baskets this year.
Speaking of Easter, I have already been planning what to put in the kids baskets. I generally like to put a movie in everyone's basket. But, I also want to put other things. I used to just get candy. While candy is nice, I don't really want my kids to eat much of it. And, Brian and I don't really eat much candy anyway. We still have a lot of our Halloween and Christmas candy left, if that gives you any ideas. I don't want to go overboard, but I was thinking a toy for each kid too. Although, instead of a toy for Aria I am considering putting in an Andrea Bocelli CD as his voice really seems to calm her when she is distressed. (My babies are musical snobs, and I love it! Haha!) Brian and I have talked about getting one of those Ikea train sets for James's Easter basket. What did you used to get in your Easter baskets? What do you give your kids now?
The next day, Thursday, Brian left for a work trip for one of his side projects. He got home Sunday morning, then left Sunday night for a work trip for his day job. The first trip took him to Chicago and then Florida. The second trip took him to Jamaica. While in Jamaica I couldn't call him, so we had to just Facebook Messenger whenever he had a chance to sit down to a computer. We did get a few video calls too, but it was hard to schedule with the kids bed time and his 2 hour time difference. I think I will have Brian write a post about his trip and link it here. He took some amazing pictures!
The day after he left for the first trip the kids got sick. Half way through his second trip, I joined in the fun. I finally took Aria and I to the doctor on Monday this week because my sore throat was so bad the left side of neck had swelled up and was rock hard. I had a migraine for days. It constantly felt like someone was trying to pull my head off of my neck, half a dozen of my teeth felt like they would just leap right out of my gums, I couldn't open my eyes all the way, and my ears felt like someone had put ice picks in them. Imagine my surprise when the doctor told me I didn't have a sore throat. He said from the inside, my throat looked fine. He put me on some antibiotics and steroids. He said if that didn't help, they would have to do a CT scan. Horrified, I went home and started the meds right away. I waited on the steroids, because the pharmacist said they were harsh on your stomach, and my stomach has enough problems, and I am really glad I did. The antibiotics turned out to be enough, and two days later, I am doing much better.
Having Brian back has been super helpful! Between the kids being sick, not sleeping, crying and screaming a lot, and having no other parent to turn to, then myself getting sick, I was just done. This week has been busy-busy too. No down time. I shot photos for Emily's play, Arsenic and Old Lace at Alta High School, last night and last Friday night. Tonight we are shooting for the South Jordan Chamber of Commerce's annual Vision Dinner. Tomorrow, Brian is setting up a video shoot for a video that we are hoping will help our son potty train. Friday we are going to see Arsenic and Old Lace and film it. Maybe Saturday I can take a breather finally, haha!
I am toying with the idea of doing the Museum of Natural Curiosity for our adventure this month. Who has been? Who has passes? Are passes worth it? Should we do something else this month and save that for another time? Leave comments, guys. I like to know someone is listening.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Birthday's, Pedicures And A Whole Lot Of Busy!
January is a crazy month for birthdays! James is the 10th, my nephew Isaac is the 14th, my sister Kira, Isaac's mom, is the 17th, and Brian's sister Trish is the 19th. There was a lot of partying, and we aren't done yet! There would've been more if we lived near Tricia. We finally decided on this Wednesday for James's party... Only 17 days after the fact. It's Lego themed and I am excited! I ordered some molds for making lego candies! I can't wait to see how they turn out!
A week ago Saturday, my sisters and I went out for pedicures to celebrate Kira's and Jenny's (our sister in law, who's birthday was Dec. 27, I think.) birthdays. We didn't get a pic together. We never do. We should probably start. But, here are my toes.
The next day, a week ago Sunday, we celebrated Isaac's birthday at Shannon's house because Brian had to finish some filming at our house from his crazy week long shoot. (We are so glad it's over, but it was amazing. I think he was very lucky to get such amazing, and talented people to work with him!) I made the cake. He loves Mickey Mouse and I had planned to make this amazing cake shaped like Mickey's head, but, as it turns out, ain't nobody got time for that. Sorry, Isaac. Maybe next year.
This week is full of more excitement, and general busy-ness! Today we went to see the Ice Castles in Midway. That was our family adventure this month. It was amazing! I will post about that later and link to it here. Then James's party on Wednesday. Then Friday we are heading down to St. George for the weekend as a family. Brian has to go for work and we have some friends and family down that way that we want to visit with. I will try and remember to take pictures.
As a photographer, it really is shocking how often I don't think about taking pictures...
A week ago Saturday, my sisters and I went out for pedicures to celebrate Kira's and Jenny's (our sister in law, who's birthday was Dec. 27, I think.) birthdays. We didn't get a pic together. We never do. We should probably start. But, here are my toes.
At the salon I had my cousin McKell meet us there to give me some stuff, and we just brought her with us to get cupcakes at Cravings in PG. Again, no pictures. Cause we are the worst.
The next day, a week ago Sunday, we celebrated Isaac's birthday at Shannon's house because Brian had to finish some filming at our house from his crazy week long shoot. (We are so glad it's over, but it was amazing. I think he was very lucky to get such amazing, and talented people to work with him!) I made the cake. He loves Mickey Mouse and I had planned to make this amazing cake shaped like Mickey's head, but, as it turns out, ain't nobody got time for that. Sorry, Isaac. Maybe next year.
Poor Isaac's lack-luster cake...
Hanging out with Granddaddy.
Or, as James used to call him, Crynanny.
This week is full of more excitement, and general busy-ness! Today we went to see the Ice Castles in Midway. That was our family adventure this month. It was amazing! I will post about that later and link to it here. Then James's party on Wednesday. Then Friday we are heading down to St. George for the weekend as a family. Brian has to go for work and we have some friends and family down that way that we want to visit with. I will try and remember to take pictures.
As a photographer, it really is shocking how often I don't think about taking pictures...
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Jane Austen
I am working on a special project about Jane Austen, and I need some help from any and all who are willing! Here is a little survey that will get me the answers I need. Thanks for being will to help!
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
3 Years and 5 Months
Last week, on January 8th, Aria turned 5 months old.
On Sunday, January 10th, James turned 3 years old. And, I didn't take any pictures because I am the worst.
My babies are getting so big! And, in some ways they are so much alike! Others, they are so, so different. It's fun seeing them learn to play together. Aria has just started laughing. She laughs most when James shows off for her. He will throw things in the air, or push the rocking chair real hard, or run around crazy and she just laughs and laughs. It's amazing. I love baby laughs!
On Sunday, we had some cake and gave James a present from us. He loves them!
We forgot to get candles for his cake, but Brian said he wouldn't notice. After we finished singing Happy Birthday, James said, "Dadda, Where's the fire?" I guess he noticed. His real party won't happen for a while. We have been so busy preparing for Brian's shoot that he is on all this week. Phoenix, inc. He has been planning this thing for years with Jimmy Hepworth, and I think it is really going to be amazing! He has brought on some incredible talent, both on the screen and behind the scenes. It is supposed to kick off a web series that will, hopefully, film this spring.
Last night the kids and I were being too loud for the filming, which was all at our house, so we got kicked out. We had an impromptu visit to Mimi and Papa's house, where James got his first viewing of The Land Before Time. He really loved all the parts with the scary T-Rex. Other than that, he was a little bored with it. But, he generally is the first time he watches movies. There have been a few exceptions, but mostly, the first time is hard for him to get through. I bet he will love it with more viewings, since he loves dinosaurs so much!
The kids have been sort of sick. I say sort of because it's unpredictable what will set it off or when. They will throw up once, and then not again for days. It's weird. I don't totally understand. But, James was super polite about it. He knocked on the door and when I came in and saw the mess he said, "Oops. I got strawberry milk on my blankie." We could tell he had tried to clean it up with a clean diaper. How sad! What a cute kid, though. And, despite their illnesses they have still been really happy. For that, I am truly grateful! These kids. I mean, really, how many toddlers clean up their own puke?
One of these days I should probably update our banner picture.... That's almost 3 years old.
My babies are getting so big! And, in some ways they are so much alike! Others, they are so, so different. It's fun seeing them learn to play together. Aria has just started laughing. She laughs most when James shows off for her. He will throw things in the air, or push the rocking chair real hard, or run around crazy and she just laughs and laughs. It's amazing. I love baby laughs!
On Sunday, we had some cake and gave James a present from us. He loves them!
We forgot to get candles for his cake, but Brian said he wouldn't notice. After we finished singing Happy Birthday, James said, "Dadda, Where's the fire?" I guess he noticed. His real party won't happen for a while. We have been so busy preparing for Brian's shoot that he is on all this week. Phoenix, inc. He has been planning this thing for years with Jimmy Hepworth, and I think it is really going to be amazing! He has brought on some incredible talent, both on the screen and behind the scenes. It is supposed to kick off a web series that will, hopefully, film this spring.
Last night the kids and I were being too loud for the filming, which was all at our house, so we got kicked out. We had an impromptu visit to Mimi and Papa's house, where James got his first viewing of The Land Before Time. He really loved all the parts with the scary T-Rex. Other than that, he was a little bored with it. But, he generally is the first time he watches movies. There have been a few exceptions, but mostly, the first time is hard for him to get through. I bet he will love it with more viewings, since he loves dinosaurs so much!
The kids have been sort of sick. I say sort of because it's unpredictable what will set it off or when. They will throw up once, and then not again for days. It's weird. I don't totally understand. But, James was super polite about it. He knocked on the door and when I came in and saw the mess he said, "Oops. I got strawberry milk on my blankie." We could tell he had tried to clean it up with a clean diaper. How sad! What a cute kid, though. And, despite their illnesses they have still been really happy. For that, I am truly grateful! These kids. I mean, really, how many toddlers clean up their own puke?
One of these days I should probably update our banner picture.... That's almost 3 years old.
Monday, January 4, 2016
New Year, New Resolutions
Ugh. It has been almost two years since the last post on this blog. But, I really want that to change. That's one of my new resolutions. One of the things I have let hold me back is my two adorable children.
Don't get me wrong, I love them! But, I am trying not to use them as an excuse anymore.
I have been feeling that I needed change for the last few months. Big change. I guess having a second kid really made me realize that I am not where I want to be in life. That is not meant to be a "pity me" statement. It's just a fact. I have a good life, and I am a good person. But, I could be better. A lot better. This year I want to start becoming the person I want my kids looking up to. So, here it goes. My resolutions.
1- Be a better Mormon. This might seem too big. Or, it might seem too vague. But, I promise it's not! It just has multiple steps involved. Which, I think, is okay. I don't remember the last time I went Visiting Teaching. I am not even sure that I know the ladies I am supposed to teach. That changes now. I am committing myself to AT LEAST making contact with them each month. I also need to keep a better schedule where temple attendance is concerned. There are a few other steps. I want to do better with personal scripture study. I want to really learn and understand the scriptures. The best part about this resolution is that any improvement, means I succeeded! That's not meant to allow me an easy out, so much as the inspiration and encouragement that comes with baby steps.
2- Read a new book every month. I don't really like reading. I see posts on Facebook all the time about how people who don't like reading can't be friends with so and so who posted it. Or, about how they must be stupid or hate learning. Or, all of the above. That makes me feel bad. See, the thing is, I am extremely auditory and it's hard for me to create something in my mind, visually. I don't find it fun, like other people. There are a few books that I have enjoyed reading, but, overall, it's hard. But, I also feel like that will never change if I don't work at it. Like working out. Those creative muscles will never get stronger, if I don't give them practice. I'm starting off this month with Northanger Abbey. I have read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma and Mansfield Park. I need to read all of Austen's works for a project I am working on. Next month will probably be Persuasion, haha.
3- Take my children on a new adventure every month. I want to try to take them to new places every month, but I am also okay with places, like the Aquarium, that we have already been. James has never been to Hogle Zoo, or the Dinosaur Museum at Thanksgiving Pointe. Those are the kinds of places I want to take him every month. I want to spend some family (and sometimes friend) time doing something out of the norm, every month. I am going to cut myself some slack with this one. I will consider it a success if I make half of the months! Haha! I just can't let us sit at home wathcing TV all the time any more. We are getting out and living life.
4- Cook more. I'm gonna take that a step further: I want to experiment with new recipes more. But, seriously. Even just cooking more would be good. It isn't that I don't cook or make food. I do. But, I need to make healthier and more exciting options. We shall see how this one goes...
5- Take a class. Any class. A language class. A dance class. An art class. A photography class. Other acceptable options: lessons in an instrument, or voice, or acting. I just need to learn! I want to study. I miss school! I just crave learning new things, and this is vague, but also not. I need to take the initiative and find a class somewhere. This one I am excited and scared for. I'm Little Red Riding Hood.
6- Meditate/Practice patience. I think lately I have been taking too much to heart. I have been taking things too personally. I need to get back to letting things slide right off me. Going with the flow. I want to do Yoga, and that will help me learn good meditation practices. I have seen some Yoga routines to do before bed that help you unwind and relax. I think I might try those.
7- Blog more. Haha! I know... Seriously, though. I want to record more of the moments I have in my life personally, and with my family. I want to practice my writing skills. I used to be a fairly decent writer. I think I have lost touch with that. I am going to try to blog once a week. Maybe I will work it into my Sunday schedule/routine. I want to remember things. I have a terrible memory. Besides, looking back is such fun!
That's it. Those are my resolutions. What are yours?
1- Be a better Mormon. This might seem too big. Or, it might seem too vague. But, I promise it's not! It just has multiple steps involved. Which, I think, is okay. I don't remember the last time I went Visiting Teaching. I am not even sure that I know the ladies I am supposed to teach. That changes now. I am committing myself to AT LEAST making contact with them each month. I also need to keep a better schedule where temple attendance is concerned. There are a few other steps. I want to do better with personal scripture study. I want to really learn and understand the scriptures. The best part about this resolution is that any improvement, means I succeeded! That's not meant to allow me an easy out, so much as the inspiration and encouragement that comes with baby steps.
2- Read a new book every month. I don't really like reading. I see posts on Facebook all the time about how people who don't like reading can't be friends with so and so who posted it. Or, about how they must be stupid or hate learning. Or, all of the above. That makes me feel bad. See, the thing is, I am extremely auditory and it's hard for me to create something in my mind, visually. I don't find it fun, like other people. There are a few books that I have enjoyed reading, but, overall, it's hard. But, I also feel like that will never change if I don't work at it. Like working out. Those creative muscles will never get stronger, if I don't give them practice. I'm starting off this month with Northanger Abbey. I have read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma and Mansfield Park. I need to read all of Austen's works for a project I am working on. Next month will probably be Persuasion, haha.
3- Take my children on a new adventure every month. I want to try to take them to new places every month, but I am also okay with places, like the Aquarium, that we have already been. James has never been to Hogle Zoo, or the Dinosaur Museum at Thanksgiving Pointe. Those are the kinds of places I want to take him every month. I want to spend some family (and sometimes friend) time doing something out of the norm, every month. I am going to cut myself some slack with this one. I will consider it a success if I make half of the months! Haha! I just can't let us sit at home wathcing TV all the time any more. We are getting out and living life.
4- Cook more. I'm gonna take that a step further: I want to experiment with new recipes more. But, seriously. Even just cooking more would be good. It isn't that I don't cook or make food. I do. But, I need to make healthier and more exciting options. We shall see how this one goes...
5- Take a class. Any class. A language class. A dance class. An art class. A photography class. Other acceptable options: lessons in an instrument, or voice, or acting. I just need to learn! I want to study. I miss school! I just crave learning new things, and this is vague, but also not. I need to take the initiative and find a class somewhere. This one I am excited and scared for. I'm Little Red Riding Hood.
6- Meditate/Practice patience. I think lately I have been taking too much to heart. I have been taking things too personally. I need to get back to letting things slide right off me. Going with the flow. I want to do Yoga, and that will help me learn good meditation practices. I have seen some Yoga routines to do before bed that help you unwind and relax. I think I might try those.
7- Blog more. Haha! I know... Seriously, though. I want to record more of the moments I have in my life personally, and with my family. I want to practice my writing skills. I used to be a fairly decent writer. I think I have lost touch with that. I am going to try to blog once a week. Maybe I will work it into my Sunday schedule/routine. I want to remember things. I have a terrible memory. Besides, looking back is such fun!
That's it. Those are my resolutions. What are yours?
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